Sometimes Reactions are just a reflection…

I’ve been doing a little soul searching lately. I’ve read a self-awareness book that really changed my outlook on many things. I’ve been exercising more and trying to maintain a healthy outward mood at work, even on the off days….. Sometimes reactions are a just a reflection.

I have been asked if this is a NY resolution. I was barely awake for NYE so resolutions didn’t cross my mind until the question popped up. I think this is more of a life decision to maintain a change instead of burst into one. Maybe that’s where we fail, moving too fast and too hard towards a goal. I’m trying to change so many little things about my ‘self’ that I think if I were to burst into it, I’d do just that – explode. I’m not looking for a quick fix that will end up failing. I’m looking for an actual change.

Changing how I think, react and feel about certain things is challenging, but I’m working on it. Normally, I would think, feel or wish for a different reaction AFTER the fact. Lately, I’m catching myself trying to think things through more AS they are happening. This is improvement for me.

I’ve worked my schedule around a bit also, well more my kids and hubs schedules really – to make time for me to exercise. There have been a few nights that I’ve been gone to exercise and felt guilty that I’m not at home cooking for my family or toting them from place to place as needed. But then I snap back and remember, they’re teenagers and while yes, they still ‘need’ mom – Mom can squeeze in a couple hours a week for herself too. That has to be okay too. There’s still a guilt. But I work myself past it.

I’m going to succeed with this and it’s my internal battle to fight through. Nothing in my life is drastically suffering because of my quirks that I want to fix, but I want to fix them for myself. Sometimes, you have to let you be important too.

I’m sure I’ll touch base on this again down the road a bit and I’ll try to post some updates. But working on me is really what I need to do right now. If anyone wants the name of the book that I’m reading (audible) over and over to help me through this, just comment below and I’ll get it to you.

The mantra that just popped into my head…. you can’t change what is already in play, but you can change your reaction to it.